~~RYAN~~ - excerpt one

WE ALL have read about love stories, life after death, divorces, marriages, problems faced by students, some tiff between two people, success stories of millionaires, stories of two friends turning foes, murder mysteries, love gone wrong…. What I write in here is neither of the above. This is a short excerpt from my life.

We were in our 3^rd year of college, I had geared up for a stupendous start. Everything was in place my mind, body and soul. All my relations with people were strain free , my parents were on talking terms with me. Mostly I had expected this year to pass without much hassles. I was my usual self and went about everywhere, laughed a lot and paid attention to my life.

Once on a hot and humid evening I was out for a walk in the ever colourful market of sector 15. The sector 15 market in Chandigarh is the student hangout. With the panjab university and the PGI adjacent to it, this sector caters to the basic needs of all the students. Despite of the lack of café’s, libraries, gaming zones, fancy eateries, big shopping malls this sector is the liveliest sector in all of Chandigarh. I go there almost every second day, to hang around, to buy magi, to window shop, to stare at good looking guys, to flirt with some too, to walk, to eat at the roadside vendor, to buy alcohol(occasionally, I am not a drunk),to get cakes on birthdays and at times just to observe people. Don’t get me wrong, I observe people just casually not stalk them or make fun of them! So, on that sultry evening of july I was out in the ever busy and overcrowded sector 15 market. I was alone. I had gone to buy some books and for my usual round of walk. The market being so close to the hostels, it is where you tend to see a lot of familiar faces. Usually you bump into someone from your college or some club. Here, you meet a lot of friends and make quite a few of them. I was walking by the reri market admiring the beautiful jholas and colorful bangles on display when I bumped into someone. I was aware that I had seen him somewhere but, I couldn’t recall where. This guy was tall, lean and fairly good looking. But, something that was really attractive about him was his cute smile, and the innocence in his eyes. And the best part was that he was all sorry though it was his fault and helped me gather my books. Then, finally he said. Hi! I am Ryan, your classmate. For a moment I was so embarrassed that I am sure he could see me turning red. I am sure he understood that I was embarrassed and added, “hey! Its ok. I don’t happen to come much to class. So, its natural you didn’t recognize me.” I was beyond elated and hurried away from him. That day, I didn’t know what would happen in the next few days that my perception of life would change forever.

That night I came back all tired after the walking, and changed and climbed into my bed. Just before sleeping I thanked god for the sweet memories and for the beautiful day and thought about Ryan for a second and went off to sleep. I was way in my dreams and snoring away, when the unthinkable happened to Ryan.

~~

It had been a stupendous day for Ryan. He had got admission into an engineering college, and he was all set to leave the next day to Chandigarh, the city beautiful. He was at the peak point in his life. He had a girl he dearly loved, parents who cared for him and now, a college he would love till his last.

UIET, with all its humility and welcomeness opened its’ arms wide for the batch of 2010. There were students from a lot of neighboring states and a lot of people from Chandigarh who had worked their asses off, to get a decent score in All India Engineering Entrance Exam to get admitted to UIET. One of them was Ryan, his maternal uncle’s son Saran had also got admission in the same college. Since, childhood they had been partners’ in crime. Be it naughtiness or making their parents proud. They were both inseparable and loved each other like real brothers. They set a remarkable example of friendship and brotherhood wherever they went. Going to the same college meant a lot for both of them, for the next 4 years they would be together away from home in each other’s company. They couldn’t wait for college to start.

Finally, college did start. But, to their disappointment they were put in different sections and the children in their classes were nerds. They had always been free spirited and fun loving, but their new class was neither. With very few good looking girls in the class and the rest of the children study freaks. They were a little out of place. But, Ryan was never the one to give up. They were allotted separate rooms in the same hostel and they started getting to terms with the University way of life. Hostel wasn’t half as bad as their classroom, here there were no rules to be followed and both the brothers quickly made friends. So, this was their friend circle, guys from their hometown and a few other fun loving free spirits. Ever since that day Ryan and Saran were joined by their group. The friends they would never forget and the friends who would always help them no matter what. This, group called themselves rockers. Nobody could lift a finger at any of them and nor would they listen to anybody. They kept to themselves often and rarely bothered anybody, except of course the usual common characteristics shared by all PU boys. Some of these characteristics were occasional binges of drinking, teasing girls and the usual politics related quarrels. Nothing mattered them more than each other’s company, as long as they were together people admired them. They had not a care in their life. Neither studies nor girls,they believed that both these things were not permanent in their lives. All that really was permanent was their never ending friendship.

Today it had been two years since they had come to this college, things had been awesome for the Rockers. They had had the most adventurous two years of their lives. Studies had been the last on their agenda, girls second last and the trips to the hills topped the list. Chandigarh had taught a lot to Ryan, despite various fights with his girlfriend he had managed to keep the relationship steady. He had learnt the worth of friends. Saran, like childhood had been his constant companion. Ryan still smiled at the one incident when he and Saran had troubled a classmate of Ryan. Saran had fallen deeply in love with her and on Valentine’s day of first year Saran had given the most beautiful bouquet Ryan had ever seen, with a huge teddy and an archies card. Saran had saved up for the gifts almost all of first semester and had given it to Naro, the girl he had loved since the first day of college. Ryan had helped him with the whole thing and the Rockers had sat up all night rehearsing and writing and rewriting the speech through which Saran would tell Naro about his true feelings. But, what happened the next day was seriously none had imagined, Naro flatly refused Saran and was pretty mad about the whole thing. Ryan still laughed about that incident after 2 years. Saran was so upset about the whole thing that, that night he got so drunk he couldn’t even dial her number properly and once he did he made a whole speech which was like “hello bitch, you sympathy hungry swine. How dare you insult me in front of the whole college? You motherfucking bitch you’ll pay for what you did! I was wrong about you, you aren’t sweet you’re the meanest slut who I wouldn’t even pay to fuck. There are a thousand girls and trust me you aren’t even pretty, the next time you cross my path I swear I’ll kick the fuck out of you.” Ryan had listened to the whole speech and was laughing hid head off. He couldn’t believe Saran had done that and that too to Naro. Anyways that day another rule was established among the rockers, nobody would even look at Naro and from then on for a few days Naro received a lot of calls from unknown numbers. The Rockers from then on decided they would never share their true feelings with girls. As far  as Ryan was concerned he didn’t care about girls he had the most beautiful girl Samriddhi in his life. They had been best friends since childhood and they were sure soulmates. Their parents knew about their relation and approved of it. Ryan was content with his life and today when he remembered Naro’s incident he smiled and thought that they had been a little harsh on her. But, never mind, today in a hurry he had bumped into Gayatri, his classmate and he somehow felt nice about it. Not in the crush kind of way but maybe he could look forward to a friend in her, she seemed to be nice company. Always lost in her own world thinking about god knows what and like him she too seemed pretty content with life. But, The Rockers had a rule of not talking to girls and he had to maintain it, the group’s reputation and trust of his friends. 3^rd year had started, it had been two days since he had come from home and he was pretty sick of sitting idle all day. The college had postponed the classes for another week (as if Ryan cared) and he had nothing to do. At least, once in college he could meet all his classmates and hang around in the college canteen. He felt that he had come too early, he missed Samriddhi real bad and wanted to rush back to her, to home. That’s when he decided to go out on a ride to Kasauli’s famous graveyard. The Rockers were sitting together in Saran’s room, bored to death. Ryan rushed to Saran’s room and within minutes they were all ready to ride to the hills. Kasauli is a hill station, one and a half hour’s journey from Chandigarh. It is a beautiful place and it is the best place to go, if you want a respite from the sultry weather in the plains. So, their bags packed they decided to go to the graveyard near Kasauli. It was 6 p.m. the Rockers were dressed casually and each carried two bottles of vodka with them (that was what was packed in their bags). The hostel had no rules and regulations, they could come and go any minute they wished. This was one of the prime reasons Ryan loved this place. So, all was set, they had done it many times before and each was back after a long break from home. They hadn’t got drunk in the two months at home and every Indian child knows the rules of not staying outside the house after 11 pm. So, today was the day Ryan wanted to break all rules and he had his new bike. Despite various pleas and requests, his parents had finally budged and given him the bike. A brand new pulsar 150 cc. He called it the Blue fairy. So, at 6 pm, 3 bikes left the prestigious campus of panjab University that evening. Before exiting the gates they waved to a couple of known faces and left to enjoy the chilly weather of the hills. Ryan was driving, and Saran was behind him. Each took turns driving the long journey to the graveyard. In the beginning it had seemed weird to Ryan going in the dark of the night to a hill station where you happen not to even have street lights, getting drunk in a graveyard and coming back that very day to the hostel. He couldn’t seem to see the fun in it, but, once he had done it, he knew. The high he had got on his first trip, the high due to alcohol, fear of the graveyard, the journey downhill, the pitch darkness accompanied by the neck breaking speed with which they drove. It was a state which he really missed when sober. The high he got from it, lingered on for a long time and he would have the happiest dreams ever when he slept on those nights. But, today it was different. He didn’t seem quite pleased with the whole idea. Though it had been his idea, he still felt jittery while driving. Clouding away all such thoughts from his brain, he concentrated on the driving and rode without thinking about anything negative. He was a man of the moment. So, like his usual nature he blended with everybody else and went on driving. Never again did he think of his jitters or told his friends to stop. They drove without any difficulty and reached the graveyard at 9 pm. The graveyard as it had always been was pitch dark. There was a chilly breeze blowing and in the distance a jackal howled. It had seemed scary in their initial trips, but now, they had got used to it. It was common for them or other boys of the university to go there in the night and get drunk. It was the only place in Chandigarh where you never get caught for drinking in the open. Here there were no girls or old people who would complain or call the cops. Civilization was miles away and it would take atleast an hour for anybody to reach this spot. And to people new here, it was way spooky. Ryan was elated on being here, it gave him a homely feeling to be here. They had come here often and each time the place had given them memories to cherish forever. This time as usual they walked around for a while and finally opened their first bottle of vodka. Ryan liked it neat and in a gulp he had downed a fourth of a bottle. He was happy to be back, and like him all the others were happy too! They had missed each other’s company when home and then started the competition as to who would drink the maximum. On other days Ryan always won but, this time it was saran. He had gulped down so much that now he could barely lift a finger. Everybody else was in a similar condition, booze had numbed all sensation in their body and they lay as good as dead near the dead. It was around 12am that they realized, they had to get back. Their hostel mates might be worried and their folks would’ve been calling them. The graveyard was one place where no mobile carrier had been able to supply continuous signal. So, all their phones were off. By 12:30 they had gathered all their stuff and were ready to leave the graveyard. None of them by legal standards was in a state to drive but, each insisted that they were macho enough and off they started on the journey back. Saran had insisted on driving the bike and since Ryan wasn’t sure of himself and didn’t want an argument, he didn’t object. That was mistake number one. At night the usual commuters on the highway are transport trucks and some vehicles returning from marriages. That day fortunately, half way through they had encountered no trucks and it was pitch dark. The only source of light were the head lights of the bikes and the moon. Since, all of them were on a high none seemed to notice the lack of light and they drove at neck breaking speed. Ryan was remembering his stay at the University. In these two years he had loved each day, the classes he had bunked, the classes from which he was thrown out, his mesmerizing and never ending phone calls to Samriddhi, her sweet voice, , his mom’s endless concerns, both his sisters fussing over their little brother, his dad though seldom spoke to him but heart of heart he knew that he loved him dearly. Ryan had inherited his habit of not sharing his emotions from his dad. He never expressed easily. Somebody had to dig out his feelings and really nag at him to open up. There were very few people he trusted and all those he trusted he dearly loved. All this was going on in his head and he had a smile on his face. He was unaware of the fact that he had a smile on and also that there were many girls in his college who loved that smile of his. He didn’t know but there were a fair amount of his admirers in the opposite sex. They loved the way he dressed, his smile could win any heart and could make you forget all your worries, his chivalry, his demeanour  impressed many. He never knew any of this, and had he known he wouldn’t have believed. He was too humble to admit. The smile on his face stayed and he kept thinking about all the good things. He somehow was remembering every second of his life and was smiling at the wonderful times spent with Samriddhi when suddenly a jolt sent him flying into the air and he fell head first onto the gravel pavement. Saran was lying about 100 yards away from the bike. The impact had been so huge that the bike was into pieces, the tyre had fallen far away and Ryan was lying into the distance in a pool of blood. The other rushed to both of them, the truck which had hit them had sped off like a coward. Ryan’s head was bleeding profusely and Saran had managed to escape with minor injuries. He was rushed to the emergency ward of the Post Graduate Institute. Ryan hadn’t fallen unconscious and he was writhing in pain. The skin on his head had totally given away, his face was badly injured and the skull was coming out from the cut on his head. None of them had seen such an injury. Ryan was their hero, their buddy. A one time madness, the thrill had left him so badly injured. The doctors rushed to aid Ryan with his injury. Saran was shaken to the core. He had escaped death with minor injuries but, he blamed himself for Ryan’s condition. As the news spread all of Ryan’s hostel mates and class mates rushed to see him. He was in the ICU. His body had escaped injuries but, his face and head were a pathetic site. The doctors had stitched most of his face and not an inch of his face was visible. There were bandages all over him. That night was the longest for all of them, as they waited for Ryan to respond. The next day as the anaesthesia wore down, Ryan felt tremendous pain, he was uncontrollable. He had to be held down by four of his friends. Its hard to see as it is to see your loved ones in pain but, holding them down becomes one of the worst things to do. With tears streaming down their faces they had to hold him down. Ryan was writhing in pain. The hardest part for all of them was to call his parents, and when they arrived they were inconsolable. His father just sat waiting outside the ICU. He remembered how good a son Ryan was. He promised that he would never complain about Ryan ever. He vowed that if his son woke up tomorrow he would ensure that Ryan would get all he ever asked for. He just sat there, he was thankful to Ryan’s friends for handling everything. That whole day Ryan felt so much pain that he had never felt. His friends were by his bed all day. The police had come, taken everybody’s statements and left. A FIR was registered and all the formalities fulfilled. The news had sent a wave of shock over the whole campus the next day. But, there was one girl who felt really sorry for what happened. She sat in the temple all day that day.

~~

“god please save Ryan. He’s one of the most genuine people in my class. He’s never done anybody any wrong and he is a good natured and good hearted person.” I had been praying like crazy when I learnt that Ryan had met with such a horrible accident. That guy had been the best soul in our class. He was fun loving and one of the very few people who never bothered anybody unnecessarily. I was all the more guilty that having been bumped into him that very evening, I couldn’t stop him to go. Tears were flowing uncontrollably from my eyes and all I could think of was about the poor guy’s mother. I knew what mother’s went through even when their children had the smallest of fractures. And this lady was ojn the verge of loosing his only son. I prayed honestly that day for the first time in my life. I hadn’t wanted something so badly ever before. I was regularly getting information about the slightest improvement in Ryan’s condition. but, to my horror there was none. He was suffering and the doctors were trying to keep him alive. I wanted to go and see him, but everybody stopped me saying that already a lot of people were there, and with me going it would worsen the situation not improve one. The night after the accident I stayed up almost all night staring at my phone and praying. Somehow, that encounter at the Sector 15 market couldn’t get off my mind and each time I remembered his face and the cute smile, tears would flow. I wondered what his friends were going through.

~~

Ryan’s condition wasn’t better at all. He was frantically crying in pain. All day went by but to no avail. That night he was given some tranquilizers and put to sleep. The next day, his body stopped responding and there was no movement. The doctors said that he was stable and shifted him out of the ICU. But soon it was learnt that his brain was now dead due to the severe impact on his head. There was no movement in his body. He had 16 stitches on his face and he was being fed food through a pipe inserted in his throat. The pain of everything would have been humanly impossible to bear, but Ryan managed to pass full 24 hours in that pain. His father had turned white on learning this and sat down motionless in one corner.  Inside he was praying frantically for his son and cursing himself for buying that goddamn bike. Had he known something like that would have happened he would’ve never bought it in the first place. Things were getting from bad to worse and the hospital was streaming in with visitors. Never had PGI in its entire history seen so many visitors for one patient, he was loved by all. Those who had spoken to him and those who knew him. He was such a good soul. He gave the perfect advice and was a patient listener. He was the heart and soul of The Rockers. His popularity was envied by many, but he was one person who couldn’t have created any kind of malice in anyone’s heart. Apart from Ryan’s family and friends there was one more person who had lost someone very dear to her. And that was Samriddhi, hearing about the accident she had lost all sense in her body. A part of her died that day and that was her heart. She felt it being clenched tightly in a fist and was ready to burst in pain. There was bitterness in her heart towards god, for having taken away her soulmate. She was angry and broken, not a tear escaped her eyes that day. 

~~

I had gone to college the following day, all puffy eyed and restless. I so wanted to make sure that Ryan was alright but fate had something else in store for him. On reaching college I learnt about Ryan’s deteriorating condition. His brain was dead. He had no movement, and there were bleak chances that he would survive. I wanted to visit him in the hospital. I felt it as a duty to take one last look at him. My subconscious was warning me again and again that if I didn’t go today I would regret it for the rest of my life. I asked quite a few people for company but, that day the circumstances were such that I just couldn’t go. I promised myself that I will go visit him the next day as soon as the hostel gates open. That decided, I got a call from my friend saying that Ryan was stable and things were turning normal. I don’t know what got over me, I slept sound that night.

The next day I woke up to a lovely weather. There was a cool breeze blowing, there was a light drizzling and the weather was a respite from the sultry days we had been witnessing over the past few months. It was the arrival of monsoon, my favourite season. Little had I known that something bad had happened and the monsoon was lamenting my classmates’ death. It was hardly six in the morning and I woke up to see two new texts in my cellphone. I was anxious to know what progress Ryan had made over the night. On seeing the two texts I was super elated. I knew it had to be the news of some improvement in his health. But, there were just four words in that text. “Ryan is no more.” I didn’t know how to react. The image that revolved around my mind were of his cute smile and his mother. I cursed myself for not going the day before. I had a feeling of regret. That’s when I decided, I couldn’t live with this regret forever. I had to see ryan, If not him atleast his dead body. I wanted to ensure that whatever help his parents needed was readily available to them. They had lost their son. I knew he had friends who would help him but still I wanted to make sure that things were made easier, if my presence made that possible. I remembered all about him, what people had been praising about him in the past few days. That day I realized how short my life was and that it won’t take a second for everything to end. It took me a lot of courage to face everything, his dad was pale white. All his friends were sitting outside the morgue. it had taken me a while to reach there but, as soon as I saw the faces emerging from that direction, I knew. THE MORTUARY! It wasn’t just us there, I saw bodies coming out from the morgue, and the dear ones howling. There was not a single woman in sight. Maybe because their heart is too weak to take the burden of a death. It had been 2 hours since his death and the body hadn’t come out yet. They were doing the postmortem. Ryan’s father was completing the formalities regarding the death certificate and various other formalities which permitted him to take his son’s body. The one thing I hated about the whole thing was this, that poor man had travelled 300 kms, had lost a son and now they were making him complete the formalities by running around here and there. It broke my heart to see his father. I had till then only read in the paper or some stories about loosing your son, today I actually saw a victim. Trust me, it wasn’t a pleasant sight. Things never go according to plan. I remembered Ryan, his relationship with Saran. How the duo could make anybody laugh. I stood there outside the morgue and waited for things to move on. But somehow, the formalities were so much that it took almost a lifetime for them to be completed. The accident was a police case, they had to wait till the police came.

~~

At home, Ryan’s mother stood watching the door. She had done that often in the past two years waiting for Ryan to arrive and she would hug her son tight. She would fuss over him, and complain how thin he had grown. Ryan happy go lucky as ever, as a perfect son would hug her back and told her how much he had missed her cooking. But, today wasn’t the same for her. Her son was to return, but on the shoulder of four people. She sat and waited in the living room, staring at the entrance. In a few hours, she would see the mangled body of her son. Mangled, because of the postmortem. Little had she known that four days ago, when he had called was the last time she would hear that voice. The sweet voice which was a part of her. She had carried Ryan in her womb, taken care of him throughout the 18 years when he had stayed home. And, just like that her eye’s apple had died. He left behind pain so intolerable that she just sat there, helpless. There were no tears. Just, paleness over her white serene face. She wished heart of heart that her husband would arrive soon.

~~

I stayed around till all the formalities were completed and Ryan was taken home. Very few of his friends went for the cremation. The rest stayed behind and wept, for the lovely soul that had departed. One thing that surely broke my heart was seeing Ryan’s belongings being taken by his friends to the cab. There was a quilt, a pair of basketball shoes, a rucksack and speakers. It brought tears to my eyes. Ryan had adored music. He was a great guitarist, and I remember people talking about it. He was everybody’s friend. The look he had given me that day in 15 market was one of a very sweet and innocent person. I questioned god, why him? Not anybody else? He was genuine and fun loving. The only son of his parents and he was in his youth, the phase of anybody’s life where they haven’t seen anything. Life had just started for him, and in the blink of an eye he was gone. After bidding a tearful departure to the van that was carrying him, I looked up at the sky. The sun was shining brightly and the sky was the most beautiful blue. I saw people entering and leaving the hospital premises, they were unaware that I had lost a classmate. That’s when I realized. No matter what, things carried on. The sun still shone brightly, you may die, you may live nobody cared. After a while, even your friends would move on and life would stop for only two people, your parents…….




P.S the story bears no resemblance to any person living or dead. If it is so, then it it purely a coincident. The viewers are requested not to take it personally. It is an ode to my friend.
Thank you!